what guys look for… (and what ladies should look for in return)
So what do guys look for in a lady? The research is mostly first-hand: I’ve spoken with both men and women already in successful relationships and asked them myself what makes thier age-worn relationship tick and the simple qualities of what we as men should be looking for in ladies ourselves. As a result, I’ve given discussions in front of youth groups, core groups, guys/lady groups, discussion boards, web sites, you name it… all on the topic of what to develop within ourselves (both men and women) and what to look for in others. While I can write a book on the topic, I thought I would take the time to share a little of what I’ve gathered about the top things that Godly Men look for (or should be looking for) in Godly Ladies. For the men, take this advice as what ladies look for in a guy as well. I’ve started with the top two:
Ladies, when you love the Lord, it shows. Period. There’s just something about spending an intimate time with the Lord that makes you shine. It’s not viewable by actions or how you do your hair, not even by the way you talk about the Lord… there’s just a visible, genuine anointing about you. Simply beautiful. Of course, we all have our valleys, our moments, the times when you think the anointing isn’t viewable… but its then, yes then, that the anointing shines b/c It’s not about how fast you’re flying when everything is going you way… it’s about whether or not you get back up when you fall on your face in a valley. This anointing says a lot about you. Some guys look for a casual Christian, others look for whether or not they have a quiet time, but real men look to see if this anointing is on their lives… above looks, above money, above it all, because nothing compares. Trailing in close second…
flirting / guy relationships
Believe me… guys notice this. I’m not going to discuss what is/isn’t flirting, but I will tell you what is attractive: a lady who surrounds herself with other stellar Godly ladies and has a strong accountability circle with them. They certainly still have guy friends, but they have defined those friendships in such a purity that not even a hint of flirting is suspected. When a lady surrounds herself with guys throughout all times of a day, it’s just unattractive. I remember following up with a great mentor of mine (single) and asking him about a lady that he was interested in. I soon discovered that he had lost his interest soley because of her imbalance in the relationships she had with guys. She never even suspected she had a great man of God interested in her.
dress (inspired source: josh harris)
Ladies, you’re already beautiful. You don’t need clothing to express that about you. I have more respect for ladies who know they would probably look drop-dead beautiful in a revealing bathing suit or a low-cut dress, yet instead chose to dress modestly. Seriously. When ladies understand that us guys are visual and chose to go the extra mile, even sometimes wearing something a little more uncomfortable just to guard our hearts, that says volumes on (a) purity, (b) selflessness, (c) self-value, (d) where your heart lies and (e) countless of other topics. I remember picking up a date back in ’99 for a family bar-b-que, who thought she had to dress provocatively to impress me. I’m talking provocative. Call me direct, but I took a drive to the nearest Target, bought a modest one-piece dress, and had a great object lesson in the process. She wasn’t offended after my object lesson, but set free that night (seriously). After that night, her mother came to me saying that she cleaned up her entire closet and was acting more ‘authentic’ around the house.
friends (source: mom)
You can always, always, always tell a lot about someone by who their friends are. Surround yourself with eagles, and you’ll soar with the best. Take it or leave it, but this is always true. Ladies, who you surround yourself with speaks volumes about you. VOLUMES. I use the same thing when finding a close guy friend. I remember taking a lady out, requesting she bring a friend with her for two purposes (a) accountability (usually I bring my sister) and (b) to see who she surrounds herself with. The girl I took out seemed like a stellar young lady, but it was the friend that gave her away. I didn’t call it off until I found out that she was that way herself… but it was the friend clued me in. What kind of statement are your close friends making about you?
how do you treat those you don’t like
I’ll keep this one short: if you have a problem with someone, don’t go spilling news to everyone about it, including detailed irrelevant information. Why? Because who’s to say if we get involved in a relationship, that you won’t do the same thing to us if we offend you? I hope that makes my point.
attitude (source: women’s conference promo on radio)
I don’t know of any other way to say it, but what makes a great man a great man is a lady who isn’t afraid to set us straight when we need to be set straight, tells us the truth even when it hurts, and most important of all: believes in us and pushes us to be the best we can be, even when we may not be shining so bright. The power of your support, your sacrifice to believe in us, empowers a man to harness the potential the Lord has placed within him.
No matter what anyone else tells you… you are His rare treasure, His precious jewel. Don’t let this list or anyone else’s opinions take you away from that. No matter who you are, thank you for pursuing the Lord in such a way that inspires us men to glorify the Lord even more. You may think that you’re setting your standards too high and that you’re probably not good enough for anyone, but hold on. Thank you for waiting for us. And remember… to love is to be vulnerable.
Hey, I just dropped by your xanga, and I wanted to let you know that what you wrote on there was in total honesty the most beautiful thing that i have ever heard a guy write. I am glad that you wrote that, because of me being of an age wher eI could be looking at getting into serious realationships with guys, that really opened my eyes to what guys really look for in realtionships and the gurls that that would be interested in persuing. So yeah, awesome site. If you want feel free to stop by my site as well, if not well keep up the awesome posts.
Oh man… I love that quote.
🙂
*blessings*
you are such a blessing. to help set standards for others to follow. you are reaching others fo his glory. thanks bro.
remember to pray ALL ways..
I appreciate your honesty in this post Eric.
Are you going to Alumni Weekend??
THANK YOU!!!! What a blessing.
you’re missed…
is it true that you’re in Ohio? and if you’re not… where are you now?
Thank you for this post bro! Its amazing and very well put. You are such an amazing godly man and I pray that one day I will meet a guy that holds the same values as you do and that I can be the woman of God that He has called me to be with strong unwavering values.
-Tammy
So true! Character that reflects Christ is so attractive in and of itself. There are so many people that have so much going for them but they believe the lies of the world about themselves and others. It saddens my heart to see it in both men and women, Christian or not. I think another important thing is to be the person that you want to be, who God has called you to be and not worry about “finding” your significant other to complete your “vision” on your own. You can only attract who you are, maybe blunt but true. Which points us back to working on and developing ourselves.
thank you for writing that post
——–
i am learning more and more about photography, and it’s a new found hobby i really enjoy.
the jacket thing… is it because we were wearing them? isn’t it cold where you live? (you are in Ohio right?)
Hey Erik!
I’ve been reading your site for quite awhile now and have been blessed many times! Thanks for writing. Do you mind if I steal your post and put it on my site?! Girls today need to hear this so much…on a regular basis. 🙂
Thanks again. God bless you. ~His, Katheryn
Thanks Erik!
Erik. YOU are stellar. thanks for this. thanks for having high standards. : )
So what does a Godly man look like?
thanks jaynie… i modified the post a little.
C.S. Lewis- i saw a play on his life at Samford last night… very good… it’s called Shadowlands and it’s a movie too.
thanks for the good info.
have a great day!
Thank You.
thank you brother… you help me remember that my efforts are not in vain and my dreams are worth waiting for… always inspiring, thank you 🙂
awesome truth!!!