the white cuban

“Say what?!  I’m French!?  I’m not Mexican??  Not even one drop?”

This was the shock that I had after investigating further about my blood line when I was home for Thanksgiving.  I found out that I wasn’t Mexican at all, but have pure Spain, Cuban and French blood in me.  I already knew about the other two, but French!?  Although my father was born in Mexico, his parents, grandparents, etc… all from Spain (apparently his parents flew to Mexico to live).  My mother’s father was pure French (and his whole family from France) and my grandmother was straight-up Cuban.  Although such a mix of blood, my mother insists I’m Cuban.  Go figure.

Interesting huh?  My friends last year, when discovering I was Cuban (and very white for a Cuban), called me the “white cuban.”  I didn’t know why for sure until now… I guess it’s the Spaniard in me…. but french!?  Where did that come from?  … things that make you go hmmmm.

…and it is on.  By my age, close friends are no longer dating, but now in their first or second year of marriage.  And if not married, they are dating.  I went home, and the pressure from my mother asking if there were any ladies in my path, along with my friends from home, only for me to answer that I am just not seeking right now.  It’s difficult for my mother in particular because my younger sister (19) is now seriously involved with a guy and here I am (24): single…. not even in the ballpark.   It doesn’t really bother me, but that doesn’t mean the pressure isn’t there.  

The other night I really started thinking about it.  Not about the pressure, but about how my future bride is preparing herself for me.  I went to my notepad, entitled it to my future bride and simply started with “thank you for waiting for me.”  I almost began to cry.  It was like a ton of bricks was just lifted off my shoulders, just by typing those words!   It later became the entry you see before this one and to be honest, I was surprised by the number of ladies who commented on it saying that it “helped them” (and I don’t blame them), when it was really a post to help me and my brothers out who <gasp!> are sincerely waiting and want to encourage our brides while we engage in the Lord with our priorities.  I strongly encourage you to do the same for your future someone and watch how it helps out!

I’ve heard beautiful love stories in the past of men who created their own love stories, crowds who awed at them, and with me, i want to start this one out with “… and after years of waiting, he finally met her.”  I look forward to the day when the crowd is in silence and I engage for our wedding kiss.

twenty-one days…

… to break a habit (good or bad).  Three days to create one. 
it’s interesting what twenty-one days can do to you.

it’s all or nothing

Everything that has ever happened in my life has all been leading up to this one moment.  My graduate intern year, my wonderful job, the books I’ve read, the experiences, the tears I’ve cried, everything… even this wearing cold I have… it’s profound.  It’s all setting me up for this one moment, this new season.  Although my Solitude LTE comes perfectly in line with this (next weekend), I don’t know if I’m ready for it… but I couldn’t see it until now: the Lord is drawing me.  I’ve given everything I know to give, including time spent in various venues for the next allotted time… including here (xanga)… and I’m still giving.  It started small, but I felt the Lord whispering “closer, Son, come closer.”  It also started on impulse thinking it would be beneficial to remove items to honor the Lord, my wife, etc… now it just hurts.   Not because I don’t have those things in my life right now, but that without a combination of all of them, I feel empty.  That’s pathetic.  All I have is the Lord and it hurts because I’ve subconsciously trained myself to be satisfied without the Lord’s daily intimate presence.  Is that honest enough for you?  It’s not that I’ve been satisfied without the Lord, but without His intimate presence on a daily basis.  Some of you probably already have that, but I’m not there.  I’m fired up just with a glimse from him on a weekly basis.  I want more.  For the past 2 months, He’s been revealing this to me, and now… it’s only getting thicker.  What set Moses apart to go up on the mountain to see the Lord?  Not glimses.  The only thing I have left is the Lord and fellowship with guys.. .and that’s difficult because I dont trust men.  Another honest moment.  The Lord has my attention… I’ve got nothing… and I’m ready to go further.

one thing I look forward to…

…aside from meeting, loving my wife and having children of my own…

… being a grandfather

Be honest, what first attracts you to a girl or guy?  Seriously.  Sure, if I were to ask you, the first thing out of your mouth would most likely be “oh, their personality.”  Oh, please.  What really first attracts you?  How a brother/sister looks, right?  Come on, you see that cute girl/guy on the first day of school and your head turns thinking “i need to get to know that person (personality).”  You know and I know that it’s already off on the wrong foot when that’s the first thing that attracts you.  Statistically among Christians, looks come first then personality.  It’s appears that’s just how the body naturally thinks and most Christians are probably afraid to admit.  But what if you can honestly say it’s their personality…

Despite what you really think, if you’re mad passionate about the Lord, the first thing that should really attract any of us to anyone else should be the “ethos” of another.  What’s an ethos?  The definition of the term is greek for “anointing.”  How madly does the other pursue the Lord?  I’m talking are they freak show or just “oh, well… my time with the Lord is just alright”?  …or, do they even know the Lord?  Seriously, if you’re madly in love with the Lord, that’s all you can think about… I’ve seen complacent Christians not satisfied with being complacent and fighting to get out; then successfully doing so after staying longer in the presence for some time.  I’ve seen individuals linger after worship, when it was time to leave and the rest of the crowd took off as if there was a fire alarm.  What causes people to do this?  Simply put: the anointing.  Honestly, I’ve seen people that I would’ve never thought anything of, then see them come out of a prayer meeting or worship time and witness them with this anointing that just appears as if they were glowing with a love that can only be explained as supernatural.  Erik, don’t you think you’re being a little too honest here?  Perhaps, but now that we’re on the subject… do you have this anointing?  Regardless if you think so or not, take the time to spend a moment longer than normal in His presense during lunch or dinner.  Quietly linger.  Meditate on how great He is.  Listen.  Dance.  Doesn’t matter what you do, but take this post not as a tip on how to look for something special in another, but a friendly reminder to draw closer to the Lord, because the truth simply is: the Lord is intimatley attracted to you.

entering in

“I find there are actually people that have learned to be satisfied without the presence of God in the church.  I mean, it’s scary; they think it’s normal… I would walk out of my prayer closet and I would struggle to get into the presence of God.  [Then] I started to do something: I would start to walk out, not sing, not pray and just started to meditate on the awesomeness of my Father.  As soon as I did that… there was His presense.

-John Bevere, spoken at New Life Church (listen), Sep 26, 2004

Father, help me to not over-complicate entering into Your presence.  I want to sing with You, I want to dance before You.  Glory be Your Name Father.  Majesty is Your Name.  How great, how magnificent are your wonders.  Your Name was all I could think about all morning… I’m intoxicated… I’m off to the secret place, Lord… meet me by the lake.

the secret place

Stand still.  If you listen close enough you can almost hear it.  If you close your eyes, you may even see it.  Imagine, if you will, the throne of the Lord.  It’s nothing as you had ever imagined.  The bible refers to the Lord as a holy fire, a great light.  In the distance, you can hear the angels singing in worship.  Although it’s in a language you cannot understand, it’s the most beautiful sound you have ever heard.  You can tell they are singing with joy in their inmost being.  From time to time in every moment of eternity, the Lord’s children come and go from this precious secret place.  They linger, dance, worship, rejoice, sing, and even lay prostrate.  These children have found the secret place.  And although they may often come to cry or consult with the Lord, they always leave in praise, always leave rejoicing, because of one simple truth: …because He is worthy. 

However, there is something unique about these children that makes this moment interesting.  It’s something that even facinates the supernatural mind of an angel, as they watch in wonder and amazement.  It’s the unique and surprising fact that these children live and dwell on earth; these children are you and me.  It’s the moment in worship, prayer or even standing still that all thoughts are cast aside, all complications turn away, all false motions dissapear and His children simply come for the sake of coming.  It’s not because of heaven that they come, nor because they desire to beg the Lord for a blessing, but because for just a brief moment, they just come to seek His face… because He is worthy.  It’s the moment when the worshiper meets the worshipee.  Suddenly, all cares wash away because nothing else matters.

Some linger during a brief moment on Sunday, while others linger every evening.  How often do you really linger?

my secret place